Amazing X-Men #7 - Marvel Comics

AMAZING X-MEN No. 7, July 2014

Penned by former “Journey Into Mystery” author Kathryn Immonen, and based upon the ensemble from the 1981 American animated television series “Spider-Man And His Amazing Friends”, this “special one-shot story” must surely have made the vast majority of this title’s slowly dwindling 42,512 strong audience wish Senior Editor Nick Lowe had never conceived of the idea of reuniting Firestar, Iceman and Peter Parker’s alter-ego. For whilst the Canadian writer’s enthusiasm for the “really great trio” is slightly infectious, her desire to have the narrative encapsulate the “hijinks” of the “Marvel Productions” cartoon show makes “No Goats, No Glory” a truly painful reading experience, and one which had at least one fan “thinking about dropping the series” due to it being “a mess.”

Foremost of this twenty-page periodical’s biggest disappointments has to be its over reliance upon ‘slapstick’ humour to unsuccessfully mask the shameful paucity of its plot. Whether it be Bobby Drake having to buy ice from a store on account of nobody wanting to put cubes taken from his upper body in their drinks, an alien baby crying acid, burping flames and filling his “space diaper” with explosive excrement, or aliens abducting a goat because they thought the match day mascot was “an important Earthling”, none of the jokes really work, and instead just exacerbate an increasing sense of frustration with the non-existent storyline. Indeed at times it’s incomprehensible to believe that Spider-Man wouldn’t simply web the interfering two X-Men up and then just swing off to exchange the infant for the goat ‘less than an hour before kick-off!’

Equally as cringeworthy as Immonen’s ham-fisted attempts at comedy however has to her inclusion of Logan towards the conclusion of this farce. Just why Firestorm doesn’t order the super-group’s food supplies “online” is never explained, especially when they’d apparently be entitled to “a discount ‘cause you work at some kinda school”. Nor is just how the extra-terrestrial child suddenly appears buried amongst the goods in her trolley… But the fact that Wolverine is apparently the only person able to lend them a car is nonsensical, as is Weapon X being ‘blown up’ by more alien poo which has somehow miraculously found its way into the boot of his vehicle?   

So poor a script is particularly disheartening when it is accompanied by the outstanding breakdowns of Paco Medina. In fact Angelica Jones, Iceman and Spider-Man have rarely looked better, with the “artist from Mexico City” proving especially good at dynamically pencilling the heroes whilst ‘in flight' with lots of fantastically complicated web-lines and impressive-looking ice-slides.

Writer: Kathryn Immonen, Penciler: Paco Medina and Inker: Juan Vlasco